DB prediction: United States of America vs Great Britain

 

 Note: We do not claim in any way to be associated with Death Battle or Rooster Teeth. We are just a dumb copy here to cover a dumb match. Please check out our inspiration, G1 Death Battle Fan Blog, for more predictions for possible and upcoming Death Battles. Also be aware that this was written by three people who live in America from 11pm-1AM as a joke (don't ask why it took so long to publish). Also Steve and Studio don't know anything about this lmao.

AMERICA VS BRITISH

Happy 4th of July

Today we will be debating the most common rivalry since Red Vs Blue

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA VS GREAT BRITAIN

Rules 

Prime USA cause we always in our prime 

Prime Britain when they still had red coats

AMERICA FUCK YEAH USA

Britain (ew)

United States of America 

The USA was started by the coolest mf around George Washington, his army of crackheads and farmers beat the highly trained British back in 1783 and that year went down as the best year in history since 0001.

We won back our land from the kings of British rule. We didn’t have any of that BS so we gave George Washington power and gave him a title called the President of the United States and since then we have had iconic and famous presidents to this day including Millard Fillmore and Captain America. 

America is undisputed the best country ever made 

-We have the most McDonald’s in the world 

-We have the most nuclear weapons

-Had a SNES video game for Bill Clintons cat

-We have the best tea despite not being British

-We had the tallest towers in the world 

-We have Nintendo of America

-We have Bill and Ted

-We have Beavis and Butt-head

-We have the guy from home alone 2 

-They have the EASILY worst Pokemon generation compared to America with Gen 5, which is a PEAK generation.

-We have Weird Al Yankovic

But enough with how great we are, now onto our not so great opponent

British

Britishland is a fruity little island up by Ireland or something, they were started by the British stealing land from someone who nobody remembers. They have some shit and stuff, overall just a lamer version of Ireland/Scotland.

Equipment

America

Guns and Knives

• Aircrew Survival Egress Knife (US Army Aircrew and USMC Aircrew)

• M9 bayonet (M16 series compatible)

• M7 bayonet (M16 series compatible)

• M11 knife (EOD)

• OKC-3S bayonet (USMC)

• Ka-Bar combat knife (USMC)

• Gerber Mark II dagger

• Mk 3 knife (USN SEALs)

• Mission Knives MPK Knife (USN SEALs, USN EOD, and USMC)[1]

• Strider SMF (USMC)

• SEAL Knife 2000 (USN SEALs)

• Tomahawk (VTAC)

• Entrenching tool

• Knife LC-14-B/Type IV Survival Ax (Woodman's Pal)[2]

• Marine Corps Raiders stiletto by Camillus

• Mk 1 Utility Knife (Navy)[3]

• Mk 2 Machete (Navy)

• Mk 2 Utility Knife (Marine Corps/Navy)[3]

• M1 bayonet (M1 Garand/M1903)

• M3 Trench Knife[4]

• M4 Bayonet (M1 Carbine)

• M5 Bayonet (M1 Garand)

• M6 Bayonet (M14)

• M1795 Bayonet

• M1812 Bay

• M1816 Bayonet

• M1819 Hall Breech-Loading Rifle Socket Bayonet

• M1841 Mississippi Rifle Bayonet

• M1847 Musketoon Bayonet

• M1849 Rifleman's Knife

• M1855 Socket Bayonet

• M1861 Navy Rifle Bayonet

• M1868 Trowel Bayonet

• M1873 Trowel Bayonet

• M1880 Hunting Knife (a.k.a. Entrenching knife)

• M1887 Hospital Corps Knife[5]

• M1898 Bolo Bayonet

• M1898 Bowie Bayonet

• M1892 Bayonet (Krag)

• M1895 Lee Rifle Bayonet

• M1904 Hospital Corps Knife[6]

• M1905 Bayonet (M1903/M1 Garand)

• M1909 Bolo Knife[7]

• M1917 Bayonet (M1917 Rifle, M1897, M12 and M1200 Shotguns)

• M1917 Bolo Knife[8]

• M1917/M1918/Mark I Trench Knife

• M1939 Machete

• M1942 Bayonet (M1903 Springfield/M1 Garand)

• M1942 Bolo Knife (United States Navy Hospital Corpsman)[9]

• M1942 Machete[10]

• Sykes-Fairbairn Commando Knife

• V-42 combat knife (Case V-42 'Stiletto')

• V44 Knife

• M67 fragmentation grenade

• AN/M14 thermite grenade

• AN/M8 white smoke grenade

• AN/M18 colored smoke grenade

• M7A3 CS Gas Grenade

• M25A2 Riot Control Grenade

• M47 Riot Control Grenade

• AN/M83 White Smoke Grenade

• M84 stun grenade

• M116/A1 "Flash Crash"

• Mk 141 Mod 0

• M100 Grenade Rifle Entry Munition (GREM)

• Scalable Offensive Hand Grenade (SOCOM)

• MK3/3A1/3A2 Concussion Grenade

• M25/A1

• M7/A1/A2

• M6/A1

• Mk 1 Mod 0/1/2/3

• M34

• M16

• M15

• M8

• M33

• M61

• M26/A1

• Mk II/IIA1 (aka Mk 2/2A1) (Frag)

• M1 Frangible

• Ketchum Grenade (Civil War era)

• V40 Mini-Grenade

• XM48/E1/E2/E3

• XM58

• EX 1 Mod 0

• EX 2 Mod 0

• Model 308-1 (Never standardized)

• Kilgore/Schermuly Stun

• T13 Beano Grenade

• F1 (M1916 Billant Fuse)

• Beretta M9 (9×19mm)

• SIG Sauer M11 (P228) (9×19mm)

• SIG Sauer M17 Modular Handgun System (P320 Full-Size) (9×19mm) – Was selected by the US Army to replace the M9 after winning the XM17 Modular Handgun System competition

• SIG Sauer M18 Modular Handgun System (P320 Carry) (9×19mm) – Was selected by the US Army, Navy, Marines and Air Force to replace the M11 after winning the XM17 Modular Handgun System competition.

• Beretta M9A1 (9×19mm) (USMC)

• Colt M1911A1 (.45 ACP) (as the M45A1 CQBP)

• Heckler & Koch P11 (Underwater Pistol) (7.62×36mm rocket-propelled darts) (USSOCOM)

• SIG Sauer P229R DAK (.40 S&W) (USCG)

• Glock Mk 26 Mod 0 (Glock 26) (9×19mm) (USSOCOM)

• Glock Mk 27 Mod 0 (Glock 19) (9×19mm) (USSOCOM)

• Glock Mk 28 Mod 0 (Glock 17) (9×19mm) (USSOCOM)

• Glock Mk 29 Mod 0 (Glock 34) (9×19mm) (USSOCOM)

• M45A1 CQBP (Close Quarters Battle Pistol) (.45 ACP) (USMC)

• Heckler & Koch MK 23 Mod 0 (.45 ACP) (USSOCOM)

• XM7 (6.8 Common) (US Army)

• M16A4 (5.56×45mm NATO) (USMC, US Army)[15]

• M16A3 (5.56×45mm NATO) (Navy SEALs and USN Seabees)

• M16A2 (5.56×45mm NATO) (USAF, USCG, and US Army Training/Reserve/National Guard)

• M27 IAR (Infantry Automatic Rifle) (5.56×45mm NATO) (USMC Automatic Rifleman)

• M38 SDMR (Squad Designated Marksman Rifle) (5.56×45mm NATO) (USMC Designated Marksmen)

• Mk 14 EBR (Enhanced Battle Rifle) (7.62×51mm NATO) (USCG, US Army, USAF Designated Marksmen/EOD)

• M39 Enhanced Marksman Rifle (7.62 NATO) (USMC Designated Marksmen/Scout Snipers)

• Mk 11 (KAC SR-25) (7.62×51mm NATO) (USMC, US Army, USAF, USCG, USSOCOM, USN SEALs, Designated Marksmen)

• M110 SASS (7.62x51mm NATO) (SAF Designated Marksmen/EOD)

• M110K1 SASS (7.62x51 NATO, 6.5mm Creedmoor (US Navy Designated Marksman)

• M110A1 CSASS (7.62x51 NATO, 6.5mm Creedmoor (US Army, USMC Designated Marksman)

• HK417 (7.62x51mm NATO) (Naval Special Warfare Development Group, USSOCOM))

• SIG Sauer 716 G2 (7.62×51mm NATO) (JSOC)

• Mk 17 Mod 0 (FN SCAR-H) (7.62×51mm NATO) (USSOCOM, USMC Automatic Rifleman)

• Mk 20 Sniper Support Rifle (FN SCAR-H TPR) (7.62x51 NATO, 6.5 Creedmoor) (USSOCOM, USMC Designated Marksman)

• M24 Sniper Weapon System (Remington Model 700 (7 mm Remington Magnum, .300 Winchester Magnum, .300 Remington Ultra Magnum, and .338 Lapua Magnum) (US Army Designated Marksman)

• M40 sniper rifle (Remington Model 700 (7 mm Remington Magnum, .300 Winchester Magnum, .300 Remington Ultra Magnum, and .338 Lapua Magnum) (USMC Designated Marksman, Scout Snipers)

• M2010 Enhanced Sniper Rifle (.300 Winchester Magnum) (US Army)

• Mk 13 Sniper rifle (.300 Winchester Magnum) (SOCOM, USMC, MARSOC)

• Mk 21 Precision Sniper Rifle (Remington Modular Sniper Rifle) (.300 Winchester Magnum .338 Lapua Magnum) (US Army, USMC Designated Marksman, Scout Snipers)

• Mk 22 Advanced Sniper Rifle (Barret MRAD) (7.62x51 NATO, .300 Norma Magnum, .338 Norma Magnum) (USSOCOM, US Army, USMC) [1]

• M82A1M/A3 (.50 BMG) (US Army)

• M107 (.50 BMG) (USMC Scout Snipers)

Semi and fully automatic

• FN FAL (battle rifle, trialed as T48 against the T44 and T47 to replace the M1: lost to the former)

• Olin/Winchester Salvo Rifle (battle rifle, 5.56mm duplex)

• M14E1 (Selective Fire Rifle, 7.62×51mm NATO) (never standardized)

• M16A1 (5.56×45mm NATO)

• M16 (5.56×45mm NATO)

• XM16E1 (5.56×45mm NATO)

• M16A2 (5.56×45mm NATO) (USMC)

• Heckler & Koch HK33 (Selective Fire Rifle, 5.56×45mm NATO) (Used by the United States Navy Seals during the Vietnam War)

• Armalite/Colt Model 601/602 (5.56×45mm NATO rifle) (USAF and SOF use only)

• XM22/E1 Rifle (Selective Fire Rifle, 5.56×45mm NATO)

• Mk 4 Mod 0 (Suppressed Rifle, 5.56×45mm NATO)

• Misc. M1 Garand Variants (E1-E6 and E9-E14) (Semi-Automatic Rifle, .30-06)

• Mk 2 Mod 0/1/2 (Semi-Automatic Rifle, 7.62×51mm NATO)

• M1 Garand (Semi-automatic rifle, .30-06)

• M1941 Johnson rifle (Semi-Automatic Rifle, .30-06)

• Model 45A

• M1946 rifle (never used in active duty)

• M1947 Johnson auto carbine (Semi-Automatic Rifle, .30-06)

• Pedersen Rifle (.276) (completed unsuccessfully with M1 Garand to become primary service rifle)

• Pedersen Device (attachment for Springfield M1903, .30 conversion)

• M1918 BAR (.30-06)

• ArmaLite AR-18 (Trial purposes only)

• Mk 12 Mod 0/1 Special Purpose Rifle (5.56×45mm NATO) (US Navy, USMC, SOCOM)

Bolt action

• M1903/A1/A3 (Bolt-action rifle; .30-03, .30-06)

• M1917 Enfield (Bolt-action rifle)

• Model 1907/15 Berthier rifle (Bolt-action rifle)

• M1895 Navy (Navy Lee, 6 mm Navy)

• M1892/M1896/M1898 Rifle (a/k/a Krag Bolt Action Rifle; .30-40 Krag)

• M1885 Remington-Lee (Bolt-action rifle; .45-70 Gov)

• M1882 Short Rifle (.45-70 Gov.)

• M1882 Remington-Lee (Bolt-action rifle; .45-70 Gov.)

• M1879 Remington-Lee (Bolt-action rifle; .45-70 Gov.)

• Remington–Keene rifle (Bolt-action rifle; .45-70 Gov.)

Breech loading

• M1875 Officers' Rifle (.45-70 Gov.)

• M1873/M1879/M1880/M1884/M1888/M1889 Springfield (a/k/a Trapdoor Springfield;.45-70 Gov..: .45-55-405 & .45-70-500)

• M1872 Springfield (a/k/a Rolling Block Springfield; .50-70 Gov.)

• 1867 Rolling Block Remington .50-45 centerfire

• M1865/M1866/M1868/M1869/M1870 Springfield (a/k/a Trapdoor Springfield and Allin conversions; .50-70 Government)

• Sharps carbine/rifle (Breech-loader; .42-60-410) (.52 caliber issued to Berdan's 1st and 2nd US Sharpshooters in the US Civil War)

• Burnside Carbine (Breech loader, .54 Burnside, percussion lock) third most common Union cavalry carbine in the US Civil War

Fireworks

Ever seen someone use fireworks as weapons? No? Aight then pussy

Useful for blowing off the fingers of middle aged dads

Beer

Perfect for people named Mr. Bob’s Dad to go into a rampage and beat up people named Mr. Bob (don’t call CPS) (“What the fuck, he doesn’t do that”- Mr. Bob)

Crack

You sniff it and go super mode idk man, it’s like mutagen from TMNT (Bob’s dad also uses this one) (Peter what are you doing)

The First Amendment

I have seen people use this to justify some of the most heinous shit ever said

Britain

Knifes

Toothbrush

Non standard, but we are using the British at a hypothetical peak so we have to include it

Rocks

Because the British are so technologically inept, instead of a cool weapon they throw Rocks at opponents to attack, one good throw at an opponent will probably kill them

“Guns”

This shit that looks like it’d be hung up in my grand dads living room

Hax and Abilities 

America

Drone strikes

Extra powerful against innocent civilians

Freedom

One of our core values, however we still won’t let kool say the n-word

Nuclear Eradication

One blast from the atom bomb took everything Britain had left, after that blast I am become deaf, they need a iron man for that wrinkly ass skin and that butt butt butt butt chin

High blood sugar

Diabeetus

Divine intervention

God blessed America what can I say

Tea sippers

BFR

The British use an excellent BFR tool, if you enter a location called “Britain” you will be trapped in an endless hellscape called Britain. The only escape is death

Chemical Manipulation

Their stinky breath can knock out an elephant in just one blow

Disease

The British are so old and inept they still carry around smallpox to infect opponents, while this is very useful. It’s useless against people with better medicine (such as AMERICA). So have fun dying to the plague.

Brexit

Those idiots really voted to leave the Britain gang or whatever, fucking dumbasses.

Confusing ass measuring system

What the fuck is a Celsius and kilometer

Feats

AMERICA

-Beat The British

-Successfully made Donald Trump a president 

-Has Wrestlemania

-Has DC and Marvel

-Responsible for certain attacks

-Is the best country 

-Won the first two World Wars

-Certain bigger bombs should be able to get small island level because they can evaporate small islands

-Nukes could get moon level because the strongest nuke could blow up the moon if fired (Source: Metal Gear)

-Has the 2nd most amount of obese kids

-Dodged MISSILES

-America could tank certain bombs so their durability should be continent level

British

-Made 100000000000000 pounds of tea 

-Queen Elizabeth coexisted with dinosaurs 

-Can survive the heavy bleeding from their gingivitis 

-Was able to make the Beatles 

-Has ‘he men’al power ‘o no’ pronounce ‘ees

-I have jacked off to Queen Elizabeth (Kool, this is not a feat)

Important Allies

America

-Uncle Sam 

-Ronald McDonald (Burger Master) 

- Every Bald Eagle (Very cool)

-Captain America (Captain Britain but ∞x better)

-Santa Claus (Jolly ol’ Saint Nick)

-Illegal immigrants (Mr. Bob)

-Drug dealers (They have some good hax)

-Family guy writers (Funny af)

-Shimish (the coolest writer on this blog)

-Koolguy (amphibia fan)

-NASCAR (badass Sport)

-American Football (better than the shitty British one)

-Paul Bunyan (Beat Johnny Appleseed)

-Matt and Ryan from Supermega (Let’s players and male strippers (not gay though))

-Ben Shapiro (Let’s say hypothetically)

-Rick and Morty (from fortnite)

-Molly McGee and Scratch (Scratch is wanted in 17 states)

-Jonesy fortnite (Goku Scaling)

-Reggie (his body is ready to kick British ass)

-Jim Davis (Old ass mf)

-Working children in China (this may be considered outside help, but my pants are flooded with shit)

-Trump (You’re FIRED)

-Chris (my neighbor)

-Jeff (my GAY neighbor)

-LeBron (THAT'S TOO EASY) 

-Batman (gonna beat moon knight in our next blog)

-Tooth Fairy (This is why we don’t got fucked up teeth like the brits)

-Homer Simpson (American hero)

-MrBeast (MRBEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST)

-ChatGPT guys (Some guys)

-Jumbo Josh (I’m Jumbo Josh breh)

-The CIA (somehow involved in the production of the live action Grinch)

Britain

-Queen Elizabeth I guess

-Doctor Who (Rick but lamer)

-Cryo (go listen to his stuff )

-Connordiesel (he’s American but we are giving him to the British (we don’t want that dude))

-Cydude (7/10 trailer maker)

-Ribbit Theatre (Master of Detective Conan)

-Wallace and Gromit (This is the true threat)

-Captain Britain (a ripoff of the badass Captain America)

-Owl House fans probably (yeah)

-Tooth decay (how expensive is toothpaste over there)

-Daddy Pig (oink)

-Dennis the menace (nice dude actually)

-Mr. Bean (silence)

MOTHER FUCKING AMERICA

Advantages 

+Better Weapons 

+AP with Nukes

+++Better Stats overall

+++Better Hax

+++++Abe Lincoln (hottest president) solos every British citizen

+Better Pokemon region 

+++Not overcast 24/7

+Jojo part 7 instead of mid ass part 1

+Uncle Sam is a DC Herald

+4th of July is the best holiday 

+Better Superheroes 

+Hot Dogs, Burgers, Freedom Fries

+Invented the internet (you’re welcome)

+God Bless America

Disadvantages 

-Slower

-Heart Attack is a viable wincon for the British

-Less Experience 

-Detroit and Florida 

-9/11

-Joe Biden and Oppenheimer 

-Logan Paul

That place where KSI lives 

Advantages

+The IT Crowd

+Caddicarus, Tamago2474, Ashens

+Free healthcare (still have broken ass teeth tho)

+James Bond is kinda cool

+Mr. Bean, Wallace, and Gromit pose a legitimate threat

+Smarter (not better tacticians tho)

Disadvantages

-The British mascot isn’t a DC Herald

-Canonically lost

-No nukes

-Xenoblade Chronicles

-Would go into shock upon hearing “chips” and not “crunchable delights”

-James Corden and Boris Johnson

-Boyinaband

-KSI

-No cool superheroes 

-Eats like they still getting invaded by Hitler

-All my homies hate England

Who Wins?

Predictions

Shimish

America solos neg diff: 4th of July solos every day in Britain, I wrote the blog so I know America wins, give any mf in Britain 1 Dorito chip and they will evaporate from the extreme nacho cheese flavoring, we got more guns than British Citizens.

Koolguy

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ethnic_slurs

A Random Person

(he had no hand in writing the blog just his prediction)

EASY dub for the USA. The UK is mid and got the stupidest names for shit ever like what is a “crisp” that’s fucking stupid. The way they talk is literally the equivalent to grinding nails on a chalkboard. Why would anyone also ever willingly wanna go to the UK bruh. You don’t see America having these issues bro the British just suck. Anyways in conclusion, due to the British’s many flaws (generally just being ass), I believe America is going to be the victor.  Also I live there. 🦅

Mr. Bobert

Aight so, first off, my Dad is not guilty of anything. Second off, this a USA dub. Not only do they have better firepower, they also have better allies, like the Queen is cool and all, but what she finna do when LeBron James scores a SLAM DUUUNNNNNKKKKK. What is Mr. Bean gonna do when Paul Bunyan steps on him. Also consider that the USA already kicked Britain's ass before, so why can't we go 2-0. And for my final point, the British faint from moderate temperatures, so if we brought like, a couple of heaters (or Abe Lincoln drops pure BARS), they would be cooked. So if any bumbling oaf ask ya who can beat the British, tell them America-n.

King Charles

Well 'hese bruvs been waffling abou' no'hing. 'he fine people of Bri'ian are sure 'o pu' 'hese fa' bas'ards back under our con'rol like i' should've always been. Fuck you George Washington and your 'ee'h made of wood. Shi' be the same ma'erial as pinocchio

Tally system 

AMERICA - 37+ (Shimish, Kool, Random, Bob, Dr. Wily, Abe Lincoln, Joe Biden, Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's black knight and Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, Adolf Hitler, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan, Super Mario, Liu Kang, Kanye West, Albert Einstein  Every ant ever, Shrek, my uncle Fred, Strongbad)

Britian - 1 (King Charles (Fuck you, old bastard simp. The prince cartoon was fucking trash)

AND THE WINNER IS 

AMERICA WINS FUCK YEAH

USA USA USA USA🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

Light off some Patriotic Fireworks as America just won twice in a row: with superior weaponry, power with the weaponry, and more citizens and Allies, team USA clears any attack the British can pull off even with their BFR Ability

U-can-SA-y that the UK ate British-it, God bless America

For any angry brits, uhhhhhhh take this next time trailer I guess (this one is gonna be more serious I promise)